Tuesday, May 14, 2013

A Time of Weakness

Have you ever looked at your life and thought ,"What is my purpose?" It seems like such a complex question, but really, it is a  very simple answer. Let me explain. These past couple of weeks have been a time of soul searching for me. As you know, I teach home school to my two boys, Jonah and Evan, and it can get very mundane at times. I love my boys and there is nothing else that I would enjoy doing more, but life and circumstances tend to distract, and try to  pull you away from what is most important.
 I have been home-schooling my boys since they were in preschool. Looking back, I am amazed how I survived the first year. I was unorganized, impatient, tired and I had no idea what I was doing. Choices were made through trial and error, but at the end of the day, things always seemed to work out and every one was happy. Not much has changed over the years. I am still unorganized, impatient, tired and I still have no idea what I am doing. After seven years,  you would think that I would have mastered  home-schooling and  child training. But I still have so much more to learn. Every year has it's trials and bumps in the road, but it seems this year has been very difficult for me. I have been experiencing many challenges in my life personally, spiritually, emotionally, and I have realized  over the past few months, that I have  not been enjoying home-school or child -training as much as I use to. How could that be? I still follow the same schedule of a busy home-school mom, breakfast, family devotions, chores, and so on. I still remember to pray and have my devotions every morning. I try to be kind and compassionate to those who are around me, and if I sin against someone I am quick to apologize, and ask for their forgiveness. So what had changed?  My heart had changed. I was doing all the right things,  but  for the wrong reason.The Lord showed me, that  homeschooling had become difficult  because   I had     tried  to earn His  love,through good works. As a result, I had taught my children to do the same.The bible says in Galatians 6:7-8 " Do not be deceived, God is not mocked;for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life." I wasn't reaping the fruits of love and joy and peace, because I was sowing seeds of selfishness and pride. I had forgotten my purpose and what God has called me to do.So what is it that God has called me to do?  He has called me to serve. I am to serve Him and others, in love. (I Corinthians 13:1-13),(1 John 4:7-11)  That is my purpose. In fact, God has not only called me to serve but He has called us all to serve.  That is it.  A simple answer but not so easy to achieve.
So now that we know our purpose, what do we do now? We go do it. We may stumble, we may fall, we may get tired and and forget, but God never forgets. He is faithful and He  will lead us back. His love is true and will never fail.